I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She told me I should be a condom model.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
