i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
