This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
