I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize