So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
