he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
