I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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