At least make sure they are 18
Why
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
