I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
