I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
