After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
