I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
