she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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