i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
