wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
