He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You ruined the universe
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
