and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
