i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Who died my cat blue again?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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