Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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