you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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