5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
