Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
