Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
