I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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