Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I have already put on my inside pants.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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