my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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