Do you still have your period?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
