never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
