Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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