yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
do herpes really smell.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
