he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
