im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It's shark week go big or go home
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
