his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
