Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
