After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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