Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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