I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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