I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize