it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I think I just shit out all my problems.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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