moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
