I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
