My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
