I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
