it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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