went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
