just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
