Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
