we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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