It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
