I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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