It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
