Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
