we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
