fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
