I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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