thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
