its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
