my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
