I want to walk on stilts...naked
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
