I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
