No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need Xanax blowdarts
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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