quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
