Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
