guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
