Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Someone signed my nipple.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
