My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
