Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
