It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I think your dad took our porno
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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