He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
