oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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