I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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