You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
