I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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