New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
